Exploring together: a beginner’s guide for couples

Trying something new together usually starts with a slightly awkward sentence, and that’s completely fine. This is the easy version: how to bring it up, a massage-first way to begin, a couple of simple toys you can both enjoy, and why lube belongs on every bedside table.

Prices are as listed by the retailers on 8 October 2026, so check the live page. Features come from each retailer’s listing, and we don’t publish star ratings we can’t verify. New to a word? The A–Z glossary explains it.

Step one: talking about it

Pick a relaxed moment that isn’t in bed: a walk, the washing-up, a long drive. Lead with what you love rather than what’s missing (“I love it when we… I’d like to try…”), and treat it as a menu, not a test. Each of you can suggest something, and either of you can say “not for me” without explaining.

• Keep it light. A little awkwardness is normal, and laughing about it helps.
• Ask, don’t assume. “Would you be up for…?” works better than a surprise.
• Agree the exit. Either of you can pause or stop at any point, no hard feelings. That’s what consent looks like day to day.

Need some words to borrow? Our conversation starters for couples are made for exactly this.

Step two: start with massage

Massage is the gentlest way in: no goal, no pressure, just attention. Warm the room, lay down a towel, warm a little oil between your hands and take turns, fifteen minutes each. Ask “slower or firmer?” as you go: it’s good practice for the bigger conversations.

Two practical notes. If either of you has sensitive skin, try a little oil on the inner arm first. And keep massage oil for massage: oil and latex condoms don’t mix, so switch to a water-based lube for anything else. A massage candle melts into warm oil; test it on your wrist before pouring.

1. Sandalwood & Fig Sensual Massage Oil

A naturally inspired massage oil scented with fig and sandalwood, made to be smoothed over a partner’s skin. It’s the easiest “let’s try something” there is.

Best for

A slow, no-pressure first evening

Price

£ £9.99

• Fig and sandalwood scent
• Made for massage
• Store somewhere cool, out of direct sunlight

Pros

• Under £10
• No learning curve at all

Cons

• Scented, so patch-test if you have sensitive skin
• Not a lube: oil and latex condoms don’t mix

Shop at So Divine

2. Shunga Massage Candle, Romance (Sparkling Strawberry Wine)

A soy-based candle that melts into a warm massage oil, so the lighting and the massage arrive together. It comes in a tin decorated with Japanese art.

Best for

Setting the mood and the massage in one

Price

£ £19.89 · Price checked 26 Oct 2026

• Soy-based massage candle
• Melts into lukewarm oil
• Burns up to 40 hours

Pros

• Two jobs in one
• Feels like a treat

Cons

• Let it cool briefly and test on your wrist before pouring

Shop at Sextoys.co.uk

Step three: a first toy for two

Choose something small, external and simple to control. Bring it in during foreplay rather than as the main event, take turns holding it, and keep talking. If it doesn’t click the first time, that’s information, not failure. A couples vibrator is designed to be shared; a finger vibrator is the lowest-stakes start of all.

3. Je t’aime Couple’s Heart Vibrator

A heart-shaped vibrator with 12 settings, from gentle to stronger pulsations. The shape makes it discreet on a bedside table and easy to pass between you.

Best for

A romantic first toy you both use

Price

£ £29.99

• 12 customisable settings
• Heart-shaped design
• For couples or solo

Pros

• Looks romantic, not clinical
• Plenty of range for a first toy

Cons

• The listing doesn’t say how it charges, so check before buying

Shop at So Divine

4. Self-pleasure 2in1 Rechargeable Finger & Bullet Vibrator

Slips over a fingertip for precise external play, with a removable 10-function bullet you can also use on its own.

Best for

The lowest-stakes way to try

Price

£ £22.49 (was £29.99) · Price checked 26 Oct 2026

• Fits over a finger
• Removable bullet, 10 functions
• For external play, solo or with a partner

Pros

• Two ways to use it: on a finger or as a bullet
• Listed £22.49, down from £29.99

Cons

• External use only, per the listing

Shop at So Divine

5. Classic Silicone Cock Rings (2 pack)

Two strong, stretchy silicone rings that slide to the base. Some couples like the snug feeling; start gently, and take it off straight away if anything feels uncomfortable.

Step four: lube, always

Lube isn’t a sign that something’s wrong; it simply makes everything more comfortable and more fun. Water-based is the easy all-rounder: it works with every toy here and with latex condoms. Expect to top it up now and then; that’s normal. More in the lube entry of the glossary and our lube & aftercare guide.

6. Water-based Lubricant 100ml

A vegan-friendly, non-sticky water-based lube for less friction and more fun. The retailer lists it as safe with sex toys and latex condoms.

Best for

An everyday, toy-friendly lube

Price

£ £7.99

• Water-based, vegan-friendly
• Non-sticky formula
• Toy- and latex-condom-safe, per the listing

Pros

• £7.99
• Works with everything in this guide

Cons

• May need topping up during longer sessions

Shop at So Divine

Compare at a glance

Compare at a glance

Product	Best for	Price	Key spec	Shop
Sandalwood & Fig Sensual Massage Oil	A slow, no-pressure first evening	£9.99	Fig and sandalwood scent	Shop at So Divine
Shunga Massage Candle, Romance (Sparkling Strawberry Wine)	Setting the mood and the massage in one	£19.89	Soy-based massage candle	Shop at Sextoys.co.uk
Je t’aime Couple’s Heart Vibrator	A romantic first toy you both use	£29.99	12 customisable settings	Shop at So Divine
Self-pleasure 2in1 Rechargeable Finger & Bullet Vibrator	The lowest-stakes way to try	£22.49 (was £29.99)	Removable 10-function bullet	Shop at So Divine
Classic Silicone Cock Rings (2 pack)	A simple, no-tech add-on for him	£4.99 (was £9.99)	Two stretchy silicone rings	Shop at So Divine
Water-based Lubricant 100ml	An everyday, toy-friendly lube	£7.99	Water-based, vegan-friendly	Shop at So Divine

The couples path

Three gentle steps, at your own pace. Skip ahead, go back, or stay where you’re happy.

Also on our shortlists

• Couples extras: lube, a shared vibe, aftercare and candlelight.
• How to choose a massage oil and healthy sexual relationships.
• Date-night kits: five themed nights in, with a total for each.

Slow is a perfectly good speed. Ready for more? Turning up the heat is step two. 18+ only.

Read more

Couples extrasConversation startersGoing further, safely (adventurous)Low desire & lost spark