Trouble reaching orgasm? Gentle help for women and men

Orgasm can be elusive, and that’s far more common than people admit. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or your body.

Pressure is the enemy here: the harder you chase it, the further away it can feel. So let’s make it about pleasure first.

For everyone

Lower the stakes

Stress, distraction and worrying about “getting there” all get in the way. Set aside unhurried time: phone away, door locked, no deadline.

Learn your own body

Solo exploration is the easiest way to learn what works for you: pressure, speed, rhythm and where. There is no right way.

Talk, or show

Partners aren’t mind-readers. Guide their hand, say “slower” or “just there”, or bring a toy into it together.

Look after the basics

Tiredness and stress turn the volume down on everything. Sleep and downtime help more than you’d think.

For women

The clitoris is the star

The NHS notes that some women are unable to climax during “normal” intercourse and need manual or oral stimulation. That’s normal, not a flaw. Add direct clitoral touch during sex: a hand, a finger vibe or a small toy between you.

More warm-up, more glide

Arousal can build slowly, so give it time before penetration. If things feel dry, add lube; comfort makes pleasure easier.

Try a different sensation

If rubbing feels too intense or not quite right, a suction toy works without direct contact. A wand gives broad, rumbly vibration instead.

For men

If finishing takes a long time

The NHS calls this delayed ejaculation. It lists psychological causes such as stress and relationship problems, and physical ones including some medicines.

Mix up your solo routine

If you always finish the same way on your own (one grip, one speed), sex can feel very different. Varying how you masturbate, and using lube, may help close that gap.

Don’t change medicines yourself

If you think a medicine might be involved, speak to your GP. The NHS advises talking to your GP before stopping any prescribed medicine.

Products that can genuinely help

Toys don’t replace connection, but they make exploring easier and add sensations hands can’t.

We may earn commission from links on this page.

For women

So Divine Irreplaceable Clitoral Suction Stimulator

Why it can help: Air-pulse suction around the clitoris, without direct rubbing: a different sensation worth trying.

Good for beginners What it’s for: Air-pulse suction around the clitoris, with no direct rubbing.

Price

£ £22.50 (was £45)

Retailer

So Divine

• 11 settings, USB rechargeable (per the listing)
• Suction and air-puff stimulation over the clitoris (per the listing)

Shop at So Divine

So Divine Self-Pleasure Rechargeable Bullet

Why it can help: Small and easy to use during sex, to add clitoral stimulation hands-free.

Good for beginners What it’s for: Small, quiet buzz for external play; easy to hold and to travel with.

Price

££ £34.99 · Price checked 11 Oct 2026

Retailer

So Divine

• Ten speeds, rechargeable (per the listing)
• Designed for external use (per the listing)

Shop at So Divine

So Divine Pearl Mini Massaging Wand

Why it can help: Broad, rumbly vibration for slow build-up, solo or with a partner.

Good for beginners What it’s for: A rounded head for broad, rumbly external massage.

Price

£ £29.99 · Price checked 11 Oct 2026

Retailer

So Divine

• 10 modes (per the listing)
• Solo or with a partner (per the listing)

Shop at So Divine

So Divine Orgasm Stimulating Gel

Why it can help: Adds a tingling sensation to foreplay. Patch-test first if your skin is sensitive.

For the curious What it’s for: A tingling gel for the clitoris and labia, to add a new sensation to foreplay.

Price

£ £9.99

Retailer

So Divine

• Contains arginine and menthol for a tingling feel (per the listing)
• Patch-test first if your skin is sensitive

Shop at So Divine

For men

Pleasure Cup Male Masturbator Sleeve

Why it can help: A way to vary sensation in solo play, away from your usual routine.

Good for beginners What it’s for: A textured sleeve for penis play; add plenty of water-based lube.

Price

£ £21.99 · Price checked 11 Oct 2026

Retailer

So Divine

• Ultra-soft, textured inner sleeve (per the listing)
• Designed for penises of all sizes (per the listing)

Shop at So Divine

For everyone

So Divine Water-based Lubricant (100ml)

Why it can help: Comfort first: good glide makes every kind of touch feel better.

Everyday essential What it’s for: Extra glide for comfort; safe with all toys and condoms.

Price

£ £7.99

Retailer

So Divine

• Water-based, vegan-friendly and non-sticky (per the listing)
• Safe with sex toys and latex condoms (per the listing)

Shop at So Divine

Also on our shortlists

• Satisfyer Pro 2 Generation 3: air-pulse when you’re ready for more (Beginner vibrators guide)
• Lovehoney Health Rechargeable Silicone Bullet: a discreet first toy (Beginner vibrators guide)

Questions people ask

Is it normal not to orgasm from penetration alone?

Yes. The NHS notes that some women are unable to climax during “normal” intercourse and need manual or oral stimulation. Adding clitoral touch or a toy is a normal part of sex.

Should I fake it to keep things moving?

It’s understandable, but it teaches your partner the wrong thing. Try saying what you’d like instead, or take orgasm off the table for a night and just play.

When should men see a GP about difficulty finishing?

If it’s persistent. The NHS advises visiting your GP about persistent ejaculation problems. Don’t stop any prescribed medicine without talking to your GP first.